June 21, 2017

Expansion Opportunities for the Visiting Angels Living Assistance Franchise

Thank you for asking me to provide an independent marketing review of Visiting Angels Living Assistance Services. As you know, with so many living assistance and nursing home options currently operating nationally, it is vital that your center offers more for the potential client. It is not enough for families to know that their loved one is being well-cared for; they must be assured that their relative will receive anything he or she could possibly need to live out his or her days in dignity and comfort. I believe, with relatively minor alterations, your organization can provide that service.

After evaluation of your facilities, financial records, and other company data, it is my recommendation that the in-home care services staff take on a variety of additional roles, including:

Guardian Angels
This one is fairly self-explanatory, and may be the easiest to implement. Clients who insist on living out their retirement in their own homes face many challenges when running errands, gardening, or performing any activity that requires sharp implements or interaction with the public. A dedicated Guardian Angel protects the client by driving her to the store, walking by her side through dicey neighborhoods, or spotting her in her weekly deadlifting regimen.

Biggest asset: Customer safety
Biggest liability: Employee overtime

Ministering Angels
Your ideal client lives alone and is able to perform most self-care, requiring only the occasional assistance typically provided by a loving family member. However, even the most patient relative will quickly tire of driving twenty miles every time Wii Bowling is on the fritz. A Ministering Angel is a one-stop shop for sage and sympathetic advice, and can step in for tech support or ensure that the client’s affairs are in order for the inevitable coming of night. What family could refuse a caregiver who can explain the difference between “reply” and “reply all” and allow surviving family members to sail through probate?

Biggest asset: Guilt-free abandonment (a marketing strategy would make this more palatable to the family)
Biggest liability: Higher salary rates for Angels who are also trained engineers/CPAs

Announcing Angels
Nobody likes being the bearer of bad news. Thankfully, there’s no reason your elderly relative should have to face the awkwardness of telling Betty that she doesn’t give a damn about her pugs, or inform a wayward granddaughter who dropped out of three different colleges that she’s out of the will. Announcing Angels deliver angry consumer feedback, letters to editors, and even hate mail to offending neighbors, allowing seniors to enjoy their twilight years comfortably self-satisfied.

Biggest asset: Client peace of mind
Biggest liability: Employee travel expenses

Avenging Angels
If living well is the best revenge, then surely the second-best revenge is living to see your enemies covered in fire ants. From childhood crushes to senior scammers, these Angels stop at nothing until those who have wronged your clients have been fully smote. While strict policies would prevent any felonious activities (murder, maiming, etc.), less injurious responses may be negotiated for elite-level clients.

Biggest asset: Justice
Biggest liability: The justice system

Cherubim
These chubby, winged babies can be called in on an as-needed basis when a client is feeling particularly glum, or scheduled to appear weekly / monthly for cuddles and general happiness. An employee’s own children may fill this position if the child is sufficiently adorable (or if the client’s eyesight or mental condition makes adorableness a non-issue).

Biggest assets: Senior health benefits, possible integration with company daycare system, cuteness
Biggest liability: Child labor laws

Please note that this list is by no means exhaustive; I have found many other opportunities to cut expenses and increase profit, but switching to document e-delivery hardly has the same “zing” as offering personal seraphim. If the initiative is implemented, you may also consider legally re-branding your organization as a church, as the savings in taxes and increase in charges for your services could effectively negate any increase in litigation costs. I await your enthusiastic response.

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