February 16, 2015

A few notes on the cold...

1) At 6 degrees, there is no call to ride a motorcycle. That shit is just foolishness that ends in hypothermia-induced loss of a nose.

2) This is no time to be standing in line for a new bar to open. They have beer at the store, and you can drink it in your home--which is warm, and the dress code is casz.

3) Nobody needs to work out when it is fewer than 10 degrees outside, because your body is already burning extra calories to keep your hair growing and your fingers attached.

4) Showering is optional, because the thought of being in warm water is negated by the fact that you'd have to take off clothes.

5) Most cars won't start in negative temperatures, because that's nature's way of telling you to live somewhere inhabitable.

6) RE: #5: Your battery is actually dead.

7) It forces you to reconsider Jimmy Buffet as a person and a musician, because dignity is for people who are brave enough to shower.

8) Productivity is halted by searching for Groupon getaway deals / selling things on ebay to afford flights / typing in mittens.

9) Holding a frightened dog over the toilet is preferable to taking him outside to pee.

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