April 30, 2011

Notes on the Royal Wedding

The Wedding of Prince William & Catherine Middleton


Harry has become the looker of the family.  Who knew the little prince who was born looking like Alfred E Neuman would sprout into Colin Firth?  MeeeeOW!

Catherine Middleton is pretty.  I don't remember ever seeing her before this day, but she's nice looking.  In fact...

There is no need to gild the lily.  She is so pretty you don't have to make the obvious dress parallels to Princess Grace, stylists.  She's royal: we got it.

I'm not the only one who noticed.  Right as she gets to the altar, William smiles and looks proud--but Harry seems to be, I dunno... not leering, exactly, but definitely lingering on the lithe form of soon-to-be-Mrs.-his-brother.  Could be the fact that they've dressed Harry in all black with caution-yellow bondage gear, so I could just be painting him with Richard III overtones.  Maybe. 

Prince William has a lovely voice  I never thought he was particularly dreamy, but I had also never heard him speak.  His clipped accent is the lovechild of double-cream and a bassoon--a weapon he's never really had to pull out, understandably, because of the whole "you're a princess if you marry me" thing.  It's a shame he'll never have to work in this life, because he could make a killing as a voiceover actor.

It's a good thing I wasn't invited.  For several reasons, but most notably because I got a serious case of the church giggles 1) at the mention of the Holy Ghost and 2) at the Bishop/Vicar/Officiant's mad-scientist miter-hair.  Yes, I'm five, and there's not a frilly Ascot Hat big enough to hide my inappropriate laughter.

The Queen is a lot like my dog.  Old, nearly blind, naps when she pleases.  This is my new goal in life.

Church is always boring.  I really wish all those masses I attended as a kid had YouTube slider bars.  Three minutes after loading, I could Amen-it to the pancake brunch.

Cate has a much better poker face than I do.  I assume she has people coaching her on all things princessy, because whereas she seems to dislike the tedious church readings as much as I do, I can see her catching herself before rolling her eyes.  William must be of the same opinion, as his reaction is to take very long blinks.

... but she can't unpause it.  William is nodding off a bit (understandably, since this ceremony is three hours and several months of news coverage too long), but he at least reacts when the Bishop/MiterMan brings it home.  Cate... seems to be frozen in Botox propriety mode.  I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and call it nervousness / proximity to her new Nan, the Effing Queen.

'Jerusalem' will always make me think of Calendar Girls.  Speaking of, why is Helen Mirren not here?  Wait, there she--oh, it's Camilla.  Oh, well.  Nice that she got invited, though.

It was pretty cute.  All right, I'm not made of stone.  Will & Cate seem to like each other, his smirking his way through the vows was pretty damn endearing.

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