November 17, 2010

Neo-Baconianism

[Last night, watching a documentary on Stonehenge]


Me: Oh, my favorite part: the weird solstice-y people coming in to feel the stones and commune with Xenu. 


Bacon: Which is dumb, since it's not all that pagan.


Me: Stones. Solstices. Beards. Pagan.


Bacon: It's a Neo-lithic structure.  Built by Neo-lithic peoples.


Me: Po-mo pagan?


Bacon: Waaay before pagan. Pre-po pagan.


Narrator: "There's no telling how the stones actually got to Salisbury Plain..."


Bacon: Psssh.  I bet they used kites.


Me: Like, 50,000 kites?


Bacon: One giant hoverkite.


Me: That they borrowed from the aliens in the pyramids:


"TCKCKC?" Can we borrow the hover kite?
"Luuuluuuu" For what? 
 "KKAAAKKK" A henge. 
"Llllloooollua" Sure. It's in the shed. 
"TCKTCK" Thanks. See you at the barbecue.


Bacon: There were no aliens in the pyramids. (pause) I bet it was the Atlantians.


Me: And how did they get all the way to England?


Bacon: The hoverkite! Geez, honey, keep up.


Me: Those pyramid aliens sure were nice neighbors. Wonder why archaeologists never unearthed a hoverkite.


Bacon: That's the kind of thing the pre-po pagans want to keep under wraps.

No comments: