September 25, 2009

Rap Recall Friday

I agonized--AGONIZED--over which of these videos to put up. They are so vastly different, each one could warrant its own post. In the end, I could not decide. It's a two-fer!

"I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd



Ah, the days of the color-coded outfits. Did anyone ever look good in a purple blazer besides the Joker? They look like the Wiggles' horny evil twins. Actually, I get more sexual tension off the Wiggles (albeit for each other); the choreography for the line "sex you up" is relatively tame. I remember thinking that video was pretty progressive for its time until I realized the black person with braids was actually a man.

I forgot that "crew cut and round glasses" was a common look in the nineties. I wish I could have kept forgetting it. It somehow looked fine on black people (Wesley Snipes, Dwayne Wayne), but as is so often with gangsta fashion, it makes white guys look like douches. Exhibit A: the lead singer, who has compounded said douchiness with an Arsenio-stache. Not cool.

The other half of the band is just as big a question mark. It's not like they want to sex these women up as much as they want to keep singing about it. UnGeorge Michael will only make out as long as a woman's touch does not disturb the perfect helmet of his coif. Kenny G either needs a sandwich or a smaller size. Also, he is terrified that the lady in the elevator is going to rape him.

And, holy shit--is that Traci Lords?



As far as the uniforms go, I prefer the "away" version; they've gone with a little less Color in favor of a little more Badd. The choreography is still very much alive in the form of airplane arms and, quizically, stage-humping. Supposedly they saw the video and were concerned that people wouldn't "get" just how Up they wanted to Sex You. Pretty up, as it turns out. Even the lead singer looks a modicum less gay, but he still doesn't know what to do with his hands. The black dude has remembered that he is both black and a dude, rapping like he means it while making it clear he can't get far enough away from the rest of the band. Kenny has not taken my sandwich advice, but is adamantly pelvic thrusting his way into the hearts of the middle-aged women in the audience. Poor UnGeorge's hair, meanwhile, has taken on Prince Valiant proportions.

The winner: Arsenio. Damn, but he was dreamy.

2 comments:

John Shewey said...

Years late to this party, but this is hilarious! well done.

Sarah Smallwood said...

Ha! Thanks. I can't believe how long ago I wrote these. Maybe it's time for RRF Redux?