April 07, 2009

Worst. Porno. Ever.

[INT. LIVING ROOM, NIGHT. SARAH and JACKIE are watching TV. JACKIE is slightly ill.]

Sarah: You need some tea or anything?

AJ: No; actually I'm nauseated.

Sarah: Aw, I'm sorry. You want a hug?

AJ: A little bit, yeah.

[SARAH hugs JACKIE, with a sympathetic back-pat]

AJ: You know, if I keep my eyes closed, I could pretend you're a dude.

Sarah: (stops patting) Um.

AJ: I mean, you know. Like I have a boyfriend taking care of me while I'm sick.

Sarah: This is either the highest or lowest point of our relationship. I can't tell.

AJ: Not that you're not great, obviously.

Sarah: Obviously, since you've plastered an imaginary penis on me.

AJ: That's not what I mean. I'm sick.

Sarah: I know what you mean.

AJ: Sorry.

Sarah: It's okay. I'll be your fake boyfriend, if you want.

AJ: You're too bony. And, you know, a girl.

Sarah: Thanks for noticing. Here.

[SARAH stuffs pillow up her sweatshirt and slouches onto the sofa in a manly lean]

AJ: (after a minute) Yeah, it's not the same.

Sarah: (in a deep voice) "Hey, Jackie."

AJ: Hee.

Sarah: "Would you like me to make you some soup, or fell a tree?"

AJ: No thanks. I'll just lie here and gain succour from your manly chest.

Sarah: "After you get better, I would love to tie you up and have you tell me all about Socrates."

AJ: I'd like that too, Fake Boyfriend. [pats SARAH's chest pillow] I'd like that, too.

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