December 23, 2008

More Holiday Viewing

The last thing we need to do is add to the canon, but in light of the new apartment and in the spirit of starting new traditions, I need a little variety in the usual schedule. As I cannot handle any of the movies showing on lower cable, the ones based around a titular game of holiday mad libs, The Christmas [noun], [adjective] Santa, where tertiary celebrities from failed sitcoms kiss Rob Lowe and are guranteed to make you [verb] violently. The following are far superior alternatives:

White Christmas: Keckler’s post reminded me of the effervescent awesomeness that is the Crosby/Kaye duo; I can’t believe I didn’t include it in my original list (perhaps I was too busy rambling—my god, stick a sock in it, young me). Apparently there are people living who have never seen this film: remiss. REMISS. The dancing on the roof of the fake cabana, the Sisters song, Danny Kaye pretending to fall down the stairs—it just keeps on giving. On Demand it immediately.

Optimal Pee Break: Choreography. When you hear a bizarre dance number in purple jumpers, leave the couch. You even have time for a number two.

The Family Stone: I remember not liking it upon first viewing, but I caught it on cable last night and found it a lot better this time around. It’s a good movie if you don’t expect anything from it; just let it be what it wants to be. The writing is spare in a good way, giving the cast a lot of room that is (mostly) not wasted; I’d forgotten that Sarah Jessica Parker can actually act—she’s been Carrie for so long I don’t recognize her when her outfit coordinates—and even Dermot Mulroney is less annoying than usual. The big hits are the relationship between Everett’s mother and his brother’s partner, and SJP’s meltdown in the local bar. The main plot goes a little syrupy, but the coupling of Diane Keaton and Craig T. Nelson more than makes up for the Danes/Mulroney craptasm.

Optimal Pee Break: When D/M start walking downtown and everything is sparkly with the Magic of Strangers Who are Actually Soulmates. (If you don’t have to pee, I recommend making tea or Twittering; it’s four long minutes you’ll never get back.)

Die Hard: John McClane is a New York cop single-handedly rescuing an LA building that’s been taken hostage by a gang of terrorists and their dishy leader… come on, you know the plot. This is what we’ve chosen for our new Holiday Eve tradition—the new apartment will be christened with f-bombs, shattered kneecaps, and a progressively-dirty wifebeater.

Optimal Pee Break: None. Hit Pause while the rest of the room yells at you.

Have a Merry and Safe Holiday from OtherShoeLand,
Sarah Beedoo

4 comments:

Dann Rafferty said...

The Die Hard one is totally true. I find myself going every year wihtout watching Rudoplh, Frosty, etc...but I can't go a year without the Joh McClane premier.

Also, it is important to mention for those who have NOT seen "White Christmas" to give a comparison:

"Choreography" in its recockulous nature is almost equivalent to the 5 year long "Gotta Dance" number from Singing in the Rain, but does not make you gnaw your arm off.

(on a lesser note, I almost wrote "Signing in the Rain", the forgotten film from the 50's with a group of deaf people in a thunderstorm asking each for directions to the Copa Cabana).

Dann Rafferty said...

apparently, after reading that comment...I need to type slower.

Sarah Beedoo said...

'Signing in the Rain' still would have been better than Choreography. I block it so I don't have to lose respect for Danny Kaye.

Gibulet said...

Hey! We didn't watch Die Hard! I wanted to, but I don't think we own it. I couldn't get you to watch any other action movie either. I was stuck watching "Vertical Limit" until I fell asleep in my bedroom!

We are watching McClane next year :P