Cranky Loathery

Let me tell you about pre-November, post-October weather: there’s no way to dress for it. A fleece was enough for the half-sunny, half chilly days of late September, but now the winds have picked up. You lose the fleece for a short, well-lined jacket. This will work for a week. The last week of the month you have to stand and wait for the bus, not daring to sit on the icy steel bench because your cute jacket doesn’t cover your ass. You compensate for the loss of heat with a hat and gloves, figuring somewhere over the weekend, you’ll pull out the winter wardrobe, including your long winter coat.

Weekend is freakishly warm. Forget all about impending winter and play badminton.

Monday evening, ass-chapped, you yank the heavy coat from its box. It smells like mold. It won’t fit in the apartment washer without causing a wum-wum that will probably come off your deposit, so you wear it anyway. You smell now. At least nobody sits next to you on the bus.

You fully intend on some very taxing yoga when you get home. After a nippy wait for the bus and entry into your badly-insulated building, you realize taking clothing off is just plain crazy. Resolve to hit the gym tomorrow.

You wash the coat. It no longer smells, and actually fits a little better. Really fits, really… snugly. Your head snaps up, and you run to the winter clothes pin, frantically searching for your wool pants. Still wearing a poofed-up coat, you shuck off your pajama pants and try on the winter woolens. They don’t fit.

Of course not. Because there are two ways to survive a vitamin-D starved, end-of-summer funk: one is baking. Everyone knows summer zucchinis taste better with flour and butter and baked at 350. Pumpkin cakes, cinnamon rolls—anything that keeps the kitchen warm and the hope of warmer weather alive. Those who ate their zucchinis roasted in July are now forced to stave off suicide in these cold grey days via the second road: eating. The bakers are good at what they do. They love to share.

I am poor, and my pants don’t fit. Three months to a bikini body, here I come.


Tessannes said…
You make me smile! Love you.
Dann Rafferty said…
I sat here for 5 minutes trying to make a pun out of "zucchini".

It never happened.
Bell said…
Liked ur blog(and will continue to..)..
Keep it up
Sarah Beedoo said…
@Momma: Thank you! And here I thought I was just whining.

@Dann: Happens to everyone. You're probably just tired.

@bell: Welcome, and thanks!

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