July 16, 2008

Braless Recluse, Population: 2

Sarah: Do you think we could share a bookshelf?

Action Jackie: What do you mean?

S: For the living room. I don’t think I have enough room for my books.

AJ: Um, I do need more room, but I’m thinking I need another bookcase versus a shelf.

S: That’s what I mean—we get another bookcase and then we get, like, two shelves each.

AJ: I don’t know if—

S: For the time being. Until we can decrease the area of every room by a foot on all sides and make the house a library.

AJ: Maybe. For like, a month.

S: Until you need three more whole bookcases.

AJ: Yes.

S: There goes my plasma.

AJ: I’ll keep at least one bookcase in my room, though. For the rare books.

S: Ah, the ones I’m not allowed to read.

AJ: Jesus, you can read them.

S: The ones I am not allowed to read out of your presence.

AJ: They’re signed copies!

S: I’m kidding. I know you’ll let me read them.

AJ: Like, maybe don’t take them out of the house…

S: Oh God no, that’d be too harrowing. It’d be like having a live baby in my backpack all day. Especially since they’re made by mystics.

AJ: If by that you mean ‘Canadians,’ then yes. Yes, they are.

S: The covers are really nice; I like the old photos.

AJ: The paper has a nice weight, too, and they use a font I really like. It might be my favorite.

S: You have a favorite font?

AJ: Of course I do!


AJ: Don’t you?

S: …yes.

AJ: Bernhardt Modern, represent.

S: Georgia. I’m all about the serifs; the lowercase As have a cute little quiff.

AJ: I like Times New Roman, it’s classy. And I hate Arial.

S: I hate Courier.

AJ: Oh, me too.

S: Screenplays are all done in Courier, and I can’t stand it—it’s so wide.

AJ: I never did see Helvetica.

S: What’s that?

AJ: It’s a documentary about the font.


AJ: Helvetica? The font, you know.

S: Oh I know, I’m just… wow. That exists?

AJ: I should Netflix it; I don’t think the video store will have it. We can make a night of it! Have a sleepover!

S: And then we could pick up a few cats and sit back and watch our birth control expire.

AJ: What, you don’t want to see it?

S: Of course I want to see it; that’s why I’m making fun of it. This is how I cope with the fact that I’m dying alone.

AJ: You need to embrace your nerdliness, Sarah.

S: I was a closeted Trekkie for many years. My knee-jerk reaction is always to make fun of, versus defend. Like the little gay kid on the playground calling his friends 'queer'. That's not right. I apologize.

AJ: Well, it’s okay now. Your dorkdom is out of the closet and you should celebrate it—fly that fractal flag high!

S: “My name is Sarah, and I read fantasy novels.”

AJ: “Hi Sarah!”

S: I feel like someone should be taking my lunch money. Why the shame? Is that a Catholic thing?

AJ: More like an “unpopular little weird kid” thing.

S: That’s pretty much been my job description since birth, Jackie.

AJ: And you have friends. Who were also the weird outcasts, and are now hilarious adults.

S: Luckily, all my friends have similar dork quirks; I don’t know one of them who would turn down a fontumentary.

AJ: Right! We like fonts!

S: We watch Doctor Who!

AJ: We go to book signings, and line up in Borders for new releases!

S: We watch movies with subtitles!

AJ: We use words like ‘propitious’ and ‘concupiscence’ in emails! And we spell them correctly!

S: We eat bran and like analog clocks!

AJ: Um, we’re dorks. We’re not eighty.

S: Well, maybe you’re not.

AJ: Hee! “We have land lines! We have film in our cameras!”

S: Oh, go pick up your font documentary.

AJ: I’ll stop at the Old Lady Nightie Emporium on my way back.

S: Ask if they know a pie place that delivers.


Alex said...

Just a guess here, but I'm thinking you might enjoy watching The Font Conference.

a. said...

This got confusing because I share initials with Action Jackie. And also because I too like fonts (Georgia and Cochin, baby!) and I covet my signed 1st edition of Middlesex.

That is all, fellow nerds!