November 27, 2007

Merry Holiday Blend to You

“I really hate the bag design this year.”

“Oh—the creepy carolers?”

“Is this supposed to be a woman? Her hair’s all crazy and weird.”

“It’s just short. Actually, it kind of looks like your—"

“She has Sanjaya pony-nubs; I do not. And the picture’s all crazy overexposed.”

“Merry Christmas from the Burton Family.”

“Really. It kind of gives me the willies… do they have an Asian baby, or did the color just bleed? And what is wrong with their dog—is he screaming?”

“Yeah, the concept was okay, but the ‘modernization’ or whatever didn’t pan out; the cartoony-ness is like Max Headroom meets… meets--”

“Geisha fetishist porn.”

“Yes. Maybe I’ll get my mark-outs for my family in the other bag.”

“The generic Holiday bag has some relatively normal-looking ice skaters on it.”

“Well, I don’t think there are any Hanukkah carols, so…”

“No, I mean, what is Starbucks trying to say?"

“'Ice skating’s for the Jews’?”

“’We’re going to devoutly sing of the savior, you go have fun doing your triple axle. In hell.’”

“Kind of an ant and grasshopper vibe there, I’m not really feeling that.”

“Maybe I’m reading too much into the package design.”

“Well, they can’t make it overtly dreidel-ly; in case the Kwanzaa people get pissed.”

“I guess an all-white bag depicting just, y’know, snow--"

“Universal in its whiteness.”


“Like a Klan rally.”

“I take it back. Those package designers have the hardest job in the world.”


Anonymous said...

I don't care if the package has a dog turd on it. I'll still drink it with (much anticipated)glee.


Sarah Beedoo said...

Dude... a dog turd might have looked better. Seriously.

crdrue said...

I got a bag on Friday! Haven't quite finished it yet...