July 16, 2007

The Wedding Speech

[This is the speech my sisters and I gave for our brother's wedding. There have been many requests for copies--more than, like, the one I anticipated--so I decided to just post it. More on Chicago when lifting my head isn't so hard.]

Love is…

Lib: From first Corinthians, chapter 13. Love is patient, love is kind.

Meg: Love is not jealous or envious.

Sarah: Except, it totally is.

M: I was gonna say.

L: Well, the Corinthians seem to think it isn’t.

M: Well, the Corinthians have obviously never been in love, because it is easily angered.

S: And self-seeking. And boastful.

M: And anyone who’s ever been drunk-dialed knows it always keeps a record of past wrongs.

L: Well, the Corinthians were, y’know, a bit pre-phone. There’s bound to be things they wouldn’t think of.

S: Wait—“where there are tongues, they will be stilled?”

M: Ah, so they also never met Dann and Joy.

L: Right. Otherwise, their list might be a bit different, such as: Love is becoming a vegetarian, even though you really want some chicken.

S: Or eating peanut butter sandwiches until someone buys your car.

M: No—love is eating stir fry for the 9th day in a row because someone is addicted to their new wok.

L: Love is being used to having your boobs grabbed in public.

M: That is love.

S: Well, obviously. Love is familiarity. Love is comfort.

M: Love is blind to cellulite, unshaved legs and ingrown hairs.

L: Not that it matters, because love is going to bed alone, again, because someone needs to grind a level on Warcraft.

M: Love is enduring endless threats to “propose to me already” when the engagement ring has been hiding in your sister’s jewelry box for two months.

S: It’s knowing the right answer to “Do I look fat… Joy?”

L: But love is not always about the fun stuff.

M: Sometimes, love acts like a lot of other four-letter words.

S: Because sometimes love means telling other people you love to shut up about the person you love, because what would they know about it anyway?

M: And sometimes love means listening to a five-minute story to get to the one really bad pun.

S: And accepting the fact that you will now be Mrs. It Wasn’t That Funny the First Time.

L: And then again, sometimes love means pretending you wanted a running commentary on the movie.

M: Or that you know what “moo point” and “we were on a break” means.

L: That you enjoy finding out whether Victoria Secret or Forever 21 has comfier dressing room chairs.

M: But love surprises you, too. It makes you do weird things you never would have seen yourself doing.

L: Love is leaving the house to get a golden retriever and coming home with a shih-tzu.

S: And picking out the most macho, B-movie-villain boys’ names, when what you really want is a daughter.

L: Love makes you do what you didn’t know you wanted to.

M: It’s buying a huge bag of Sour Patch Kids, knowing full well that only the green ones will be eaten.

L: Buying flowers just to see the look on her face.

S: And of course, it makes you do what you don’t want to do, like making you wait for a baby. Until the wedding night.

M: Love means calling in sick with Oscar-worthy sound effects (because it’s not you who has the flu).

L: Love means auditioning for a role specifically because you get to kiss her on stage.

M: Love is defending each other's ridiculous Scattergories answers.

S: Love is telling her you love her in front of an audience… twice.

L: Love makes you impervious, and love makes you dumb.

M: Love makes you leap a bar and throw a punch before you realize you’d even moved.

S: Love means missing part of yourself when you’re alone.

M: It makes you do the irrational thing, the unplanned thing, and sometimes even the right thing.

S: Love will trade cities for a home, possessions for laughter, and a billion others for this one.

L: And for all it fails, it does always protect, always hopes, and always perseveres.

M: We love you guys.

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