8 Things You Didn't Know About Me

I got memed.

I was hoping to get in the long, artfully-crafted rant I've been working on, but my You Tube account seems to have eaten death this morning and it's just not the same without video. Thanks be to Murgatroyd someone gave me a good prompt, or I might not have gotten in another post before I split for vacation (T-minus 3 hrs, 21 mins).

Warning: The following may be TMI if you need to look at me later.

1. One of my finer, drunken talents is the singing of the Major General song from Pirates of Penzance, which I have known all the words to since I was seven. [This is usually the part where we are either soul-sisters or we can no longer be friends.]

2. I was an anal-retentive child, in the literal sense, deathly afraid of doing a #2. My parents were afraid I was constipated and took uncomfortable, well-intentioned steps to get me to go, but I probably needed therapy of some kind. [That problem is all fixed now, in case you were worried.]

3. I don’t often cry; some bullshit control thing about not appearing weak, I guess. I cry often at happy occasions, when I am proud of someone, or when somebody I love is already crying—and usually it’s an embarrassing flood because I have years of stored-up cry. [This probably relates somewhat to the previous item, and now I’m wondering if I should rename this list 8 Things You Could Have Lived a Full Life Without Knowing About Me, Thank You Very Much.]

4. I don’t like toast.

5. Once, when my older sister snuck out of the house and I covered for her, I got into more trouble for lying than she did for partying, even though the cops brought her home. I wondered what the point of being a good kid was, then, and would have gone bad except I was lazy and all my friends were goodies, too.

6. I have a wee touch of obsessive compulsion, fighting the good fight by strewing clean laundry about the room, making magazine piles without lining up the edges (kind of like Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy, only I’m the enemy, and man how much better would that movie have been?! Don’t steal it, I’m writing it right now). I’m also a compulsive eater, a constant sound loop in my hindbrain asking what we’re eating next, all day, every day. Dieting is interesting.

7. I would give up a toe, a pinkie finger, or eating lemon sandwich cookies for the rest of my life if it meant I could sing like Freddie Mercury. I can learn to dance, I can learn to play instruments, but vocal talent is something you’re born with; I was born with my father’s flat ass, flat feet, and flat voice. “Hooray” for gene dominance.

8. I don’t like flying. I sing little songs to the airplane during the flight, totally convinced that if I didn’t, we would drop right out of the sky. I judge which songs the plane likes by the amount of turbulence it raises in objection. [The airplane likes John Denver. The airplane does not like Justin Timberlake. Apparently, the plane is your mom.]

See you next week, ma homies.


Rustybelle said…
I am incredibly impressed by your ability to sing the Major General song whilst drunk, I can't do it stone cold sober.

Actually I can't sing at all or, as my father puts it, I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.
Toni said…
4. I don’t like toast.

I'm sorry. We can never be friends. Any bread-related food item is almost always better toasted. I've been campaigning at work to get a toaster so that my brown-bag lunches may be more golden brown and delicious.

Mmmm.... toast.

That said, I'm not a huge fan of toaster ovens. Go figure.
Sarah Beedoo said…
Oh, I like toasted sandwiches, just not toast. By itself, singular, I am anti-toast.

The Major General thing, while well-recieved, continues to not get me dates. Baffled, I am.

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