March 28, 2007

Final Jeopardy: Foreign Relations

SOOZ: Which explorer first came to China with his father and uncle, Niccolo and Maffeo?

ME: Um, Marco Polo?

SOOZ: Hee. Yes.

ME: Maffeo, Marco and Niccolo Polo?

SOOZ: Apparently.

ME: No wonder he left home.

SOOZ: Yeah, it doesn’t really get more Italian than that.

ME: Not with crusty bread and Parmigiano-Reggiano.

SOOZ: That’s Marco’s sister: Parmigiano-Reggiano Polo.

ME: And their mother, Vino Polo.

SOOZ: Why where they explorers when they had such perfect showbiz names?

ME: Hollywood hadn’t been discovered yet?

SOOZ: Ah, the old catch-22. Shame they didn’t make it to America.

ME: Their cousins did.

SOOZ: Gimmie a hint.

ME: Fashion designers. Big in accessories.

SOOZ: Oh, jeez. Manolo Polo?

ME: Bolo and Manolo Polo. Tacky ties and shoes-a for ev’ryone!

SOOZ: Presumably under the Ralph Lauren umbrella.

ME: For copyright.

SOOZ: Yeah. “Ralph Lauren presents: Bolo and Manolo Polo!”

ME: Makes me wanna toss-a a pizza, hey!

SOOZ: Hey! Whotsomatta?

ME: You lookin’ at me-a, Rolo Polo?

SOOZ: You feed-a my dog, a Fido Polo?

ME: How did Rosemary Clooney make this sound good?

SOOZ: She didn’t. Also, not especially progressive.

ME: Good to dance to.

SOOZ: No it isn’t.

ME: To sing in the car, then. “Eh Mam-BO!”

SOOZ: Yeah—

ME: “Mambo Italliano, eh Mam-BO! You mixed sicili-something something with something something EH!”

SOOZ: OK, the first clue to how she did it was she knew the words.

ME: She changes them, like, every verse.

SOOZ: You mean like in a song?

ME: Shut up. Italians don’t talk like that, anyway.

SOOZ: What happened to ‘fun to dance to?’

ME: I’m just saying, it probably pisses Italians all off. Do we really need another country hating us?

SOOZ: Well, considering Italy’s like, the last one...

ME: Kinda like WWII?

SOOZ: OK, now Italy hates us.

ME: What, they gonna take away my pancetta? My spaghetti? My… phyllo?

SOOZ: Phyllo is Greek.

ME: Same gods, same diff.

SOOZ: I won’t go into all the ways that you’re wrong. Anyway, they make cheese in Italy.

ME: I retract all disparaging comments I made about the great nation of Italy. I was insane at the time.

SOOZ: Terrorists were holding your mother.

ME: Above a tank filled with sharks.

SOOZ: And Rosemary Clooney.

ME: Exactly. EH!

SOOZ: You just know that third-generation Polos would start calling themselves ‘Constance’ and ‘Jake,’ just to stop all the ‘olo.’

ME: And go against the family? Maffeo wouldn’t like that at all.

SOOZ: He’d make them an offer they can’t refuse.

ME: Wine? Pesto?

SOOZ: Hee. Pesto Polo.

ME: That sounds like an Italian Hamburger Helper. And I want some.

SOOZ: Me too. Coincidenchi-olo.

ME: And some of their Spanish neighbor, Arroz con Polo.

SOOZ: We’re stopping before you insult Spain.

ME: What? I got nothing against Spain. Except, y’know…

SOOZ: …

ME: …

ME and SOOZ: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

ME: Hee hee!

SOOZ: HAH HA HA hee. Ah.

ME: Eh?

SOOZ: Eh-ya!

ME: Lame-a!

SOOZ: Us-a?

ME: Yes-a!

SOOZ: Si, signora!

ME: Gonna go get a jump on my porcelain doll collection now.

SOOZ: I’ll join you after I finish knitting this hat for one of my cats.

3 comments:

Ian said...

Eugh, porcelain.

Beedoo said...

Hee. Sorry.

J-Ro said...

I'm glad I live alone, because if my neighbors could hear how much I laughed at this, they'd think I was mad. Maaaaad!