Week in Review

Days worked (consecutively): 6

Days until day off: 5

Disco naps taken: 2 per day

Hours slept: ~5 per night

Overtime hours worked: 9

Miles run: 5

Batches to be washed: 2

Long blinks: 4 per minute

Undereye circles: 2 each

Sympathies offered: Many, all appreciated

Calls from work, asking me to pick up hours: 3

Calls answered: 0

Calls laughed at: 2½ (it wasn’t funny anymore)

Number of Cinnamon Dolce Lattes made over the weekend: 85

Drinks made correctly: ~1 out of 3

Hours it took to get phantom cinnamon out of my nose: 4

Trouble customers: 2

…with legitimate complaints: 0

…who only escaped death by scalding because I couldn’t steam milk fast enough: 2

Days dishwasher has remained unloaded: 4

Late-night snacks eaten only because sleep was not an option: 4

Conversations consisting solely of gestures: at least 7

Conversations consisting solely of nodding: 8

Nodding off mid-conversation: 2

Meals eaten at home: 2

Meals prepared without the use of microwave: 1

Outbursts of petulant whining: 3

Same, re: sleep: 3

Family members that only excaped death by strangulation because I could not lift my arms: 4

French lessons neglected: 3

Spiders hallucinated: 2 3

Times I made a comment, paused, then repeated myself verbatim: 9

Walks taken for the sole benefit of continued consciousness: 7

Average steps taken before I realize I am not a whole person, but a mind pulling a carcass: 1

Pages read over six days: 4

Liters of water consumed: 3 per day

Sudden, wide-eyed assertions that no, I was not asleep: 4

Same, at work: 3

Outbursts of inappropriate laughter: 5

Same, at work: 3

Days since I vowed to clean apartment: 4

Days until cleaning is actually feasible: 5

Species of intelligent life breeding in my living room carpet: 42 billion

Days Christmas tree has remained pointedly, pathetically up: 8 past respectability

Days since I’ve started hallucinating that it’s staring at me: 3

…and started calling it ‘Herbert’: 2

Meals eaten stading up: ~1 per day

Minutes overslept: ~6 per day

Lozenges eaten: 5

Length of time into the past that I can remember: ~1/2 a day

Length of time it takes to summon the appropriate word: 5 minutes

Simple questions I have needed repeated at least once: 7

…and still been unable to answer: 4

Times I have to remind myself to do something before it gets done: 4 (avg.)

Lists made: 14

Times a caring relative removed my shoes: 2

Length of average shower: 11 mins.

Total television watched: 24 minutes

Cups of coffee: 3 per day

Cups of tea: 1 per day

Resting heart rate: 137

Tears cried when typing “resting”: 2 (laughter)

Attention span: 37 seconds

Number of spelling mistakes in this list, pre-proofreading: [see below]

Number of times I lost count, retried, lost count again, closed eyes, forgot what I was doing, remembered, and gave up: 2

Hours planned to sleep on Saturday: 19, or until my body willfully picks up the consciousness option

Apologies: Many


Popular Posts