Drive Time

Or, Why I Should Have Just Said 'Donkey.'

SIS: Shit, the road’s closed.

ME: Like, all the way, or…

SIS: I’ll try to go around, but if they’re blocking the parking lot, we’re screwed.

ME: Well, unless there’s OH MY GOD GET A FUCKING CAMEL!

SIS: For REAL, damn.

ME: Why do people walk slower in crosswalks?

SIS: I don’t know.

ME: Wait, you don’t think I’m racist, right?

SIS: What?

ME: I mean, I didn’t say ‘camel’ because they were black.

SIS: I… didn’t even put that together.

ME: Oh, good. Because that’s not what I meant.

SIS: You meant for their suitcases, right?

ME: Right, like a pack animal.

SIS: That’s what I thought.

ME: And the camel would be faster than they were. That’s the joke.

SIS: Yeah, I got that.

ME: OK. I just wanted to make sure.

SIS: …Why would I associate camels with black people?

ME: Because they’re African.

SIS: The people or the camels?

ME: Um. Both.

SIS: Camels are from Africa?

ME: I… think so. Now I doubt myself. No—they’re Northern Africa, like Egypt.

SIS: I always forget Egypt is in Africa.

ME: Hee. Why?

SIS: I dunno; Africa makes me think of Kenya, like jungles and lions—

ME: Are the lions in the jungles? I thought they were on the plains.

SIS: I thought they were jungle animals.

ME: Tigers are jungle animals. Lions are on the thing, the plains. You know.

SIS: No…

ME: The thing that’s like a desert, but with stuff on it?

SIS: The savanna.

ME: Yes! The lions and zebras do that. The camels are in the Sahara, which is Nothern Africa.

SIS: Is it the Sahara or the Sudan?

ME: …Both? Isn’t the Sudan a country?

SIS: I thought it was a desert.

ME: It’s in the desert. I think.

SIS: Gee, I’m glad fifth-hour geography wasn’t a total wash.

ME: Well, maybe if they’d followed up on that one class

SIS: In middle school

ME: Really. Now I have to Wiki all this crap to combat the guilt.

SIS: I think you’re right; Sudan’s a country. In Africa.

ME: In the desert.

SIS: Yeah, I always forget the desert part of Africa.

ME: Weird—I forget the jungly part. I think Africa, I think desert.

SIS: I think lions. And, you know, human suffering, like Darfur.

ME: Yeah, but not right away. I think desert and then pharaohs and then AIDS crisis.

SIS: Well, you hate black people.

ME: Shut up, Where Do Camels Live.

SIS: Back atcha, Racist.


Funny, I would have thought you were making fun of a middle-easterner. They have camels there, too. Racist.


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