Jackie Speaks

Jackie feels like she was misrepresented yesterday, so for the sake of her reputation, I wanted to reprint her objections here:

OK, I need to defend myself as Sarah's "paraphrasing" makes me look ditzy at best.

Yes, I know the words to the Captain Planet song, but I also remember the lyrics to horrible pop songs, church hymns, etc. My brain is just built that way.

And no, I did not love Captain Planet like the addle-minded hippie Sarah would have you believe. I did like it--I'm not ashamed!--I do love the environment, and anything that makes kids more aware of environmental problems is good in my book. (Plus, the "Heart" kid was added later, for diversity.)

My favorite show was indeed She-Ra, and, I was the one who told Sarah that She-Ra's horse was pink, not the other way around. I still have that horse.

Oh, and Sarah claims the "Metaphysical Embodiment, huh?" was meant to be sarcasm. Like Jonathan Swift before her, I think this might be lost on some. So I am here to clarify for all to whom this is important, namely myself, that Swift did not want to eat the poor people's babies; and I know what metaphysical embodiment means.

I can not forget to add: Power Rangers sucked. Voltron and Transformers rule! Sarah, they are so not the same.

Well, I have ranted sufficiently. And Sarah, you claimed this was petty of me as you left for your run. But, you already got to put your version of events out into the great vast ether. So me too!

love love

I didn’t say it was petty! I love it when people respond to my blogs, whatever they have to say. It means they’re reading them. And I’m sorry if I said anything offensive. Petty? I must have said “pretty”. You’re pretty, Jackie, that’s what I said, out of my love for you, as I walked away. You heard wrong, and now my heart is broken.

And I only compared Power Rangers to Voltron and Transformers because they have the “click together to make a bigger person” joining line. That’s all. I didn’t mean to imply that, because Voltron and Transformers kick colossal ass, that the Mighty Dorkin Flower Arrangers did, too. (I know that was weak, but the show sucked so hard it can never be appropriately mocked, ever, not with an infinite number of monkeys in an infinite amount of time with infinite typewriters, because, even existing in timelessness and on the ethereal plane of metaphor, they have better things to waste their time on.) And yes, you knew the horse was pink. We’re just so similar, Jackie, I forget who said what. We’re like one person. Do you like your bunnies boiled or fried? I won’t be IGNORED, Jackie.


So. Jackie. Not at all ditzy.
Captain Planet? Still a mullet-headed chode.

And apparently, Phil Collins wrote the Captain Planet theme song. No joke. Google it.


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