Birthday Denouement

I knew I’d have to come down from the high sometime. I guess that time is now.

After a big meal, two cakes, and a hella-lotta sherbet, my family celebrations are now over. I am getting pretty exhausted by the concept of the birthday week, and I still have Sturday’s party to get through. I think I’ll only stretch this thing out if I have a major birthday to celebrate, say, 50. I’ll be over this one around that time. Hopefully.

So, I was hoping to be a subject in a study for the research department, but now I’m thinking they won’t take me because my BMI is too high. Exactly two-tenths too high. What kind of bullshit is that, I ask you? The study isn’t for another month, so I have that long to lose the POUND it will take for me to be a ‘not-fat’ weight, but geez, it’s one more thing to risk an aneurysm over. I just feel like with all the weight I lost, it still wasn’t good enough. And even when I get under the 25 BMI mark, it’s not like I was gonna go “Oh, hey, not fat anymore—this looks like a good place to sit and eat my chips”—I was going to keep it up and stay healthy. I don’t know if the .2 that put me over is even an issue, as they haven’t gotten back to me yet, but I am resolved not to just roll over and give up. I’ll tell the lady I’m losing weight, I’m bloated (which I don’t know if she’ll buy, but it is actually true) and that by the time they want people to come in for the first part of the study I’ll be well under 25. I hope it doesn’t come to that, especially since my uterus has been doing dome serious birthday eating.

Why am I even concerned about it, you ask? The study pays $1000.
You’re checking your BMI right now, aren’t you? Don’t lie.

Is anyone else confused as to why Sean Hayes won that SAG award? I’m not saying he’s not funny—I’m not even saying I don’t like him; I’m saying that the work he does on Will & Grace is pretty pedestrian. Any hyperactive fifth-grader could do a decent Jack impression if you take his Ritalyn away. I’m a little disappointed with the show as a whole, because it’s one of those cases where a show was good because it was original, and then it becomes a victim of its own routine. The best thing to have happen is for those shows to have five good last episodes, and then get cancelled. I was taking to a fellow barista the other day (yeah, yeah, Starbucks—whatever) and she gave me the best example of Series Goes Stale: Joey. Originally, Joey was Chandler’s somewhat-dumb actor roommate; by the end of the show, he was borderline retarded. It got to the point where if they’d gone more than 30 seconds without a laugh, [JOEY says something stupid]. And it was a waste of a character. Not unlike how Megan Mullally has been used in Will & Grace: ”This scene is funny, but nothing’s really happening. Hmm… how should we end it? I know!" [KAREN says something funny about booze / pills / Grace’s skirt / being rich / her (dead) fat (ex) husband. OR gay pun. Audience laughs, CUT TO Will’s office via awkward clumpy piano tune.] It’s sad, really.

They didn’t do everything wrong at the SAG awards, though: Paul Giamatti. It’s about time he won something. He had me at The Negotiator. He was the only thing that kept me from walking out on Duets. The only reason to spend the two hours on American Splendor (ok, I like Hope Davis, too, but this is not her love song). I heart you Paul, I just wanted you to know that. Wave that weird little statue right in front of the pretty boys, with righteousness, baby. Righteousness.

I think it’s fantastic that talented actors that have only ever been cast in tertiary roles are now coming to the forefront—and winning awards doing it. Nobody knew what Philip Seymour Hoffman was capable of in Scent of a Woman—ditto for Paul in anything he ever got the chance to play before Sideways. The best movies, I find, are the ones starring people you either don’t know, or remember from an obscure role where they were on the screen for maybe five or ten minutes. Then it’s gonna be good. Sandra Oh, I’m talking to you. All the people who, for some reason, were criminally underused for the first half of their careers. Is it because they didn't fit a leading role sterotype? YES. Are they laughing now? YES. I’m sorry it took so long, guys. You were best off going to England, where theatre is still an honored institution, and not just any Tom, Dick and Jessica can be an “actor”. Thanks for having real talent, and thanks for sharing it with the little people.

Junk food makes me cranky. Let’s have more coffee!!!


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