December 16, 2005

Brr! Zzzz...

Man, I’m cold. I don’t know if the thermostat is set really low, or if I’m coming down with something (which I am so not, because there no way I have time for that crap), because I’m sitting here in a fleece parka, shivering. I think it’s lack of sleep; that always makes me cold. I usually just get in my nice warm heated bed to warm up, and then end up falling asleep. Mmm… beddd. How I miss it so. I’m ready to scrap my to-do list in favor of being in bed at 8:30. But, alas, it cannot be. Once again, I bring you Beedoo’s To-Do:

5:00 Go running.
6:30 Catch bus.
7:00 Take World’s Fastest Shower.
7:15 Drive to mall.
7:20 Return coat to JC Penney’s.
7:30 Pick up engraving.
7:40 Check EB for cheesy action figures (Starbucks Secret Santa).
7:45 Check JC Penney for Christmas sweaters.
8:00 Go with little sister to get facial waxes.
8:30 Drop presents off at brother’s house for him to mail.
9:00 Pluck eyebrows.
9:15 Fall into dead sleep coma.

This will never go as planned. Ever. Something will happen to make me late, or angry, or crazy, and I won’t get into bed until after 11:00. I know this, and it makes me sad. It really wouldn’t be so bad if I had Saturday off but, silly me, I forgot to request a day off this weekend, so I work every single day until the 23rd. And tomorrow is super-overtime for interviews in my department; I volunteered to shepherd people around, make sure nobody gets lost, etc. The big draw is that I get time and a half; the downside is I have to actually put myself together a little, and be fully conscious and alert at 7:30 AM. It’s going to be crazy and hectic, and I predict it will go something like this:

Beedoo’s Saturday To-Do:

6:00 Get up.
6:15 No, really—get up.
6:20 Brush teeth. (With that thing. There we go.) Turn on water. Oh—turn on curling iron.
6:25 Get dressed. Wow, I’m glad I laid my clothes out last night.
6:30 Check answering machine for message from my sister, telling me she’ll be late.
6:40 Do hair. Spray it so it stays. Wash out maced right eye.
6:50 Do makeup. Be extra careful with pokey eyeliner stick around right eye.
7:00 Pile into my cranky sister’s car. Don’t fall asleep—you’ll be groggy.
7:15 Wake up as we pull into the parking lot. Wish my sister luck with her endoscopy.
7:17 Stop at espresso cart on my way into work.
7:19 Throw away empty cup.
7:25 Arrive bright and shiny for interviews.

Don’t worry about my sister—she has endoscopies all the time. I think she just likes being high and having an excuse to lie down all day. She says it’s for her reflux, but I wouldn’t buy that on sale. It’s for the attention. It’s Munchausen’s. Did I spell that right? I’m too tired to look it up today. I’ll just apologize for the perpetration of misinformation. Hey—that sounds pretty awesome. I’m gonna make my own Schoolhouse Rock.

Educators’ Rock:
(sung with the “I’m Just a Bill” voice)

Beware the perpetration
Of Misinformation
Not everything anyone says is true (TRUE!)

For good communication
Check your situation
For truth in all you say and all you do…

And then everything you know, it will be TRUUE!!

Obviously a work in progress.

Oh, crap. I didn’t know all these people would be here for an orientation today. Dammit—why doesn’t anyone tell me anything? I would have worn makeup, or at the very least, matching socks. I look scrubby. No wonder people think I’m a spaz. I haven’t even plucked my eyebrows, so it’s not like I cam get within three feet of the potential co-workers, because I have scary eyebrow overgrowth. Oh, well. I didn’t know. I’ll just have to look extra-nice tomorrow. Rats. See you Monday.

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